I’m out of control.
No really, I have absolutely no control over how things turn out, what I create, how someone will respond to me, sometimes even how I’ll respond to someone else. To believe that we have any control over anything is an illusion.
The last 4-weeks have been pounding this lesson into every ounce of my body.
It started with the Colorado shootings on December 27th. A former colleague of mine was shot and killed while her husband ended up in the ICU. While we weren’t close, the sting of violence and death to anyone you know is heartbreaking and brings up a lot of questions and for an empath like me, a lot of tears. I needed answers, I needed closure. For me, that would give me a small amount of control over the situation. But unlike my favorite cop shows, answers often don’t come with tragedies. And so there I was feeling all the feelings that come with loss and a lack of control.
Three days later, I witnessed just how little control we all have when Colorado had its most destructive fire ever. Just 30-minutes down the road from us 1,000 buildings were burnt to the ground in less than 24-hours. Mostly residential homes, we feared the worst for friends and families we knew in the area and held tightly to prayer and deep breaths while we waited, Refreshed Google 1200 times an hour, and felt just how much control we didn’t have as we waited for the fires to be put out.
More often than not, in life and in business, we are not in control. We do what we can to take control, to feel like we have control, but in reality, security is not real and things can change in a matter of minutes (like we didn’t learn that lesson from covid.)
So here’s what I’m doing when it comes to control–I’m practicing surrender.
I’m letting go of the need to have all the answers–I rarely have the answers, just the appearance of them. I’m letting go of having a 1-year, 5-year, 20-year plan. (Oh God, my type-A personality just shuttered with that sentence). Most of all I’m letting go of this need to look, feel, be perfect.
This season has been a season of a lot of transitions for me. I’m taking less marketing work (although I’m still doing Marketing Strategy for any small business owners that need it!) and focusing on illustration. I’m prioritizing self-care and creativity. I’m reshaping most areas in my life AND I’m doing my best to not try and control this process.
I don’t know what my business will look like down the road. I’m not sure exactly who I want to be when I grow up. I’m exploring, I’m trying new things, I’m open to possibilities, but I’m surrendering to anything specific.
What will be will be.
My job is to grow from whatever comes my way. To know that the divine (however you decide to define that word) is in control and I’m just along for this beautiful, magical, inspiring ride.
How could surrendering to the need for control change the way you work and live? Comment below and let me know.
