There’s a certain sadness that looms over autumn. It might be us mourning the loss of summer and days spent under the sun. Or a sadness that darkness is growing and we’ll be pushed inside our homes. For some it’s a reminder of the people they lost through the years, bubbling up from holidays like Samhain and Dia De Los Muertos. Whatever it is there is a certain energy that fall brings that can’t quite be described or understood, and yet, it’s my favorite season.
I love sitting at my desk and staring out the window as I watch the leaves change day after day, watching the light dance through the leaves and set them on fire. I love the fragrances of campfires and spices that come with the season and I love the slow pace of life that we seek out. While the sadness still sits on my heart as I watch the world around me transform and die for the season, I’m still lit up by the magic that comes with it.
And isn’t that interesting that with death and sadness there is also beauty and magic. I’ve seen this in more than just the death of the seasons but the death of dear loved ones. A tragedy that eats us alive but also wakes us up to what’s important and brings us together with those we love.
Fall is both a reminder that nothing lasts forever and a celebration of the harvest that’s been accrued. It’s a reminder to slow down after a hectic season of growth and play, but most importantly it’s a push to be present in this moment. To see that death, while sad and sometimes painful, also brings beauty and magic. It’s amazing that a single season can tell us all that.
So as I watch the last leaves drop and drink hot tea on the porch under a blanket, I’m thinking about all that I’ve watched die this year and the magic and beauty that bloomed from it. Like the death of my grandmother-in-law and how not only a whole family but a whole town came together to love her and remember her. Or how I’ve finally taken the steps to heal from a childhood trauma that’s made an impact on my entire life. It’s brought me closer to my sister but more importantly, it’s brought me closer to my truest self–not the person I created to please the world.
Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with death and change. The thought of losing the ones I love most gives me great anxiety, but then I come back to this season, fall, telling me to be present, to witness the beauty and magic of this moment, because the rest I have no control over. So just be here, witness the moment, absorb all it has to offer, and remember that with every death comes birth, for spring, is right around the corner.