I’ve taken every personality quiz there is out there. Including what Hunger Games character are you (obviously, I’m Katniss). But truth be told, I almost never feel like I’m understood in those tests. Yes, even when I got Katniss. I’m the type of person that fits into so many different personalities which was why I was blown away by the Enneagram when we did it for our pre-marital counseling.
9 distinct personalities create the Enneagram and a new way to acknowledge who you are and how you relate to others. While we have a bit of every number within each of us, you’ll find that a dominate number applies to you and gives you a foundation to who you are.
What am I, you ask? I’m an Enneagram 3 – The achiever. I’m motivated by the need to not fail. I love to be able to show off my success, speak to any type of group/person and live with the fear of not being enough. There are pros and cons that come with each number but in recognizing the things you struggle with (I.e. not ever feeling like I’m enough) you can begin to work on those things.
As I mentioned earlier, this was a part of our pre-marital counseling and it flipped the way we worked in our relationship. Being married to a 6 brought me comfort in knowing that he’s loyal to a fault. I don’t have to worry about losing him. However, he also is the personality type known for worrying. As a 6, he can come up with the worst-case scenario for almost everything in which case, it becomes my job in the relationship to help him see that he is safe.
As we come across roadblocks in our marriage it’s helpful to recognize what parts of our Enneagram are holding us back and by acknowledging how the other person might be feeling, can we approach the situation differently.
This doesn’t mean that your spouse will be able to read your mind (we’re still working on that technology) but it might help in their ability to empathize or for you to better explain where you are coming from. I fully believe, that when we better understand ourselves we will have a much better time working with others because we can state our needs and notice when they aren’t being met.
So now it’s your turn. If you don’t know your number already, take the Enneagram test. I highly suggest paying the $12 and taking the real test, but if you can’t, here is a great free test that seems to be pretty accurate.
Stay tuned for the breakdown of each Enneagram number and some ideas on how to make your relationship stronger with them. Or download my date night ideas based on your enneagram. It’s a great way to make sure everyone is excited about date night.